Search for Sanity (Ethvae)

[J'Kar Ezri]

With mind all a blank and following what J'Kar believes is his heart he stumbles through this amazing place. This place with plants so rare and magnificent. This place that, unknown to him at this time, hold the ingredients for the most dangerous of death magic potions. Blinded by his despair he searches for what he feels is right not knowing that the path before him only leads to death.

In complete silence, except for the occasional creaking of the trees in the wind and his own footsteps, he wanders. With every step taking him closer to what he has tried avoiding since the fissure. J'Kar has lost all sense of his soroundings...all sense of truth...all sense of self.

As he comes to the edge of a clearing he sees a single black rose growing up from the ground. No plants or grass grow near this solitary rose. Upon setting eyes on it he immediately recognizes it as the reason he came here...the reason he should run from here. Frozen in his tracks, in this forbidding place, overcome with fight of flight he hesitates.

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

The plants foretold someone’s presence. Each whisper was intense to Ethvae, telling her it was a cursed creature stumbling through such untainted territory. She was unlike any Earth Fey in this vicinity; she would not flee from the stranger. If the person was truly cursed, she would want to mend their wounds. The woman side-stepped all of the plants in her path, following the movements ahead. She could smell the foreign stranger, aware that it was a mortal scent, unlike the tangy scent of mushrooms.

The noise she had followed stopped. Her eyes narrowed and she quickened her steps, finding herself to be brought into the clearing. Here the sunlight showed through, downcast upon a single rose. But it wasn’t the rose that made her do a double take, it was the figure frozen in front of her. These eyes of hers would know that type of hair; type of shoulders anywhere. It was like she hadn’t stopped moving at all, for her heart was wrenching in pain.

Ethvae raised her right hand to her chest, above her heart. Her fingers were shaking, her legs feeling weak. The other soul inside of her caused her to move forward still, despite all the pain filling her empty insides. The Earth Fey was right behind the male now, her eyes observing with morbid curiosity. Dead or alive? The girl’s lips furled slightly, as she took her free-hand out so simply nudge the male with force.

When she had touched J’Kar, there was a shock through her bones, chilling her to the bone. “Do my eyes betray me?” she asked, voice almost in hysterics -- was she simply hallucinating again?

[J'Kar Ezri]

Still torn with emotion from finding the rose and unaware of the presence of the other J'Kar tumbled to the ground in shock from the surprise of the touch. Heart racing even faster now he set his eyes upon the fellow fey to find a sight he had never seen before. He had seen good and evil but never a sight as this. The sight of two souls intertwined in one...as one. How could this be he thought, unable to distinguish between the two. Seemingly familiar...surely he stumbled upon a hallucinogenic mushroom and recalling a hint of something from the past. But no, he knew all the plants he had passed. Realizing that he was under no spell of nature J'Kar accepted that this is indeed real.

Taking what seems as the briefest of moments to calm J'Kar recognizes the phrase that was spoken as one of familiarity. Did she recognize him? Should he recognize her? The site before him now was the first he had seen of this Fey. But realizing this was not a single Fey could his recognition be obscured? Could he have known one of the two souls before they became one?

Gaining composure and relinquishing thought of the rose J'Kar returns to his feet, eyes focused upon the other, he states "My apologies for my reaction. I didn't realize... ...I'm sorry. My sight is having trouble." Taking a breath and continuing with an air of desired familiarity to his words "Do we know each other?"

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

Her eyes were strained. Between her memories, she could only see a figure that looked something like this. Only one soul felt somewhat saddened that it was not the person who she had thought it to be, while the other was simply curious and afraid. The hand that had been held to the male finally disappeared and went back to her side. Such a tragic feeling this was. Ethvae felt submerged in depression, not even the warm sunlight on her pale skin would make her feel right.

The girl inside of her wanted to retreat and go back to her aimless wandering. For that is all she did these days, was wandering in search, to find something that was beyond her grasp. She wanted to know who she truly was, had wanted to fight her own battles and to fall in love on her own accord. For now, she was simply following in her mother’s steps. Ethvae, the Ex Queen of Earth Kingdom, gone batty after seeing the death of her daughter.

Lines in the girl’s face seemed to harden, her lids folding down into a narrow. Ethvae appeared completely hostile, as though she would lash out. Instead, she took a step back and straightened her shoulders. She had looked completely fragile next to the large tundra of mushrooms. However, not a feeling of insignificance arise. For she was powerful.

Ethvae reached out with her powers, feeling that the male was curious. What was he curious about? Had he known something she had not? “You stare at me, I stare at you. I see nothing that I recognize, but I was almost certain I did,” her voice was defiant. Finally, her voice dropped in severity, as though a child merely wanting a friend. “Yet, I feel like I should know you..”

[J'Kar Ezri]

While searching his memories for who this fey could be J'Kar watched as the fey changed. No longer were the two souls as intertwined as one but one taking domination as the other receded. And in that moment he recognized an emotion but could not yet be place where he remembered it from. This emotion, triggered not by the soul before him but by what was now missing as the other soul became subtle to the point of being hidden away. The emotion, growing stronger as he thought back further into his past, much further back than he had thought about in ages. The emotion it self becoming clear as passion but from a time long before he was of the age of passion.

And as quickly as her touch had appeared to him he was beside himself in shock from the new posture of this conundrum. For it had appeared that an attack was near. But with no desire to take up arms he stood there as the other took a step back. Knowing the dangers even the most humbled of Fey could inflict J'Kar responded but in a passive-aggressive spreading of his wings. Extending out past his fingertips. Showing he was aware of the danger, able to fight if need be, and a potential danger in himself but quickly folding them behind him again as to show his passiveness; unwittingly revealing one of the few features that was of his fathers.

"Surely..." he hesitates, " I feel I know you ...know part of you." Confusion sets in for a moment with his syntax as this was a strange situation; to talk to one in reference to another while both are before him. While taking a step forward, in response to her step back, J'Kar continues while still holding the emotion of passion, "Memories play tricks but there is something there, something that tells me we have met before, though I have yet to realize where."

Oh, to feel passionate again if even from a memory. A feeling he had not felt since the fissure. A feeling he would like to kindle once again. He had found a path to what was lost but could he follow it...could he follow her. Extending the invitation J'Kar puts forth the request "May I know the name of the Fey that sent me tumbling to the ground oh so easily?" with a subtle grin beginning to appear.

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

She eyed the male’s reaction to her short lived malice. To unfurl ones wings in defense was a great sign of urgency to protect. However, she kept her wings hidden from sight, acting as though she had none to bear. While she had used her powers to sense what the male was feeling, all she heard was a faint echo of herself. What was this creature before her? For those eyes detected an unnatural presence. Those wings of the male were not at all alive, but they had been alive -- she could see it. Again! She knew wings such as this and she wanted to rip them right off the other male for being so traitorous for having them.

“How??” she said aloud, but never finishing what she was asking. Her eyes were accusing, and her right hand lifted to point one boney finger at the male. It was like she was saying, ‘Look at this monster!’ Yet no such insult left her mouth, instead she regained her wits. “I know these wings, I’ve seen them. My heart knows them, too. But why are they soiled? What have you done?” She wanted to cast the emotion of openness upon the stranger before her, but she was going to give a chance.

The held out arm shook with fury, and lips curled slightly. Knew part of her? Did he know? And she was afraid that her secret would be put in the wrong hands, surely she would be sentenced to death if the new Ruler of Earth ever found out! “UGH!” she said out loud and threw her arm down, turning her head to glare rudely at a mushroom at her side. “What do you see that I had not told you?” she asked, still focused else where.

And then he had asked her name, but she had two, this body only had one. So weakly she replied what she usually replied, “Ethvae, sir. Yours?” there was a sigh at the end, as though calming the sudden rage.

[J'Kar Ezri]

"My...my wings..." J'Kar replied with a bit of confusion having nearly forgot about their current condition. Noticing the inquiry meant that he had traveled beyond his story or had his story simply been lost to history. Either way he was hesitant to reveal his shame, his curse, for what would this fey think. Would she consider him an exile along with most of the others. Would she consider him an abomination and try to kill him as was law, only stayed in his case by the ruling of the light council. Would she consider worse if he didn't answer. But being honest to a fault J'Kar answered truthfully "I.. I died... "

Holding back further of how he stood before her, after his own death, J'Kar proceeded with focus toward the other questions "My name is J'Kar." After taking a moment to reflect on exactly what he saw he replies "I saw deep conflict between two goods. A conflict I have never seen before and so don't understand too well myself." Holding his tung from trying to pry too deep into this already volatile situation.

Having reflected on what he saw his memory began to come to focus. J'Kar remembers seeing his father. But why would this fey elicit memories of his own father. Could Ethvae and his father have met? Was she the one that taught his father the ways of death magic? Surely not. J'Kar would have noticed the stains on the soul of this fey and why would the emotion he remembered be one of pleasure for certainly death magic would bring pain. Who is the mystery, he wondered. More importantly at this moment "What are you doing out here?"

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

Ethvae took another look at the wings, at those broken wings, dirty wings, horrible wings, monstrous wings. The girl snapped her head back and her eyes stared to the sun, her lids furling down into a squint. She was going back into her head, searching for those wings as she saw them now. They were there, belonging to another man, but the man had looked unlike this boy’s face. The only similarity was the wings. But, who? The girl moved her arms behind her back, pushing her chest out for an instant, taking a deep breath.

Then she sighed heavily. Dropping her head to stare directly at the Light Fey. Her vision was spotted now, lights floating around everywhere. “You died, J’kar?” she mused, waiting until the spotting disappeared from her view. The girl’s dress was long, yet tattered, there was holes everywhere. Parts of her flesh was showing in areas that did not matter -- like her arms, her stomach and her back. “Then you are cursed,” she said flippantly, moving both her hands out.

There was a sudden glow, even under the pale sunlight’s rays. The glow was over her hands, a forest green, yet it was unnatural. “I can heal you,” she said with a crooked grin, taking a step forward closer to the male. Her lips pulled up even further, “For a price.” And her eyes looked completely chaotic, greedy. For the moment she stopped her advancing steps, to consider the question.

“Fool! I live here,” she chuckled, seemingly insane.

[J'Kar Ezri]

"Heal me!?" with a curious and semi-interested tone in his voice while taking a stumbling step back from her; never taking his eyes off of her as she let her powers take light. "And...a price?" with deep concern not only over his well being but hers and possibly others. "I did not mean to intrude on your home." noticing her tone as a bit skewed and her eyes appearing possessed. Seeing her clothes, more than tattered, he withheld the question of how long she had been out here knowing it has been quite a while.

Knowing he was physically healthy and had not mentioned his broken heart he concluded she was referring to his soul. "I do carry burdens with me. Burdens that have been a curse and have made me an outcast, an exile. But I did not ask for these burdens and so could not ask another to carry them for me." while turning his back to her and hanging his head, letting his guard down as he revealed his torment. "By all rights I should not even be walking among you if it weren't for these burdens. It even killed my father on the battlefield when he sat them upon my shoulders in the process of saving my life."

Standing there, vulnerable and exposed, J'Kar took a moment to reflect on all that was lost that day. Reflected on how his life was restored but how his love had been lost. Reflected on how, if he could find her and she was still whole, he might be able to bring her back with the knowledge he had of death magic. Death magic, the very curse he had carried with him had the power to restore his lover and his heart. Would he really be willing to part with this choice? Would he be able to continue on knowing that only in death he had the possibility of seeing his love again? Would he have a choice in the matter now that he placed himself in the vulnerable position he was in?

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

The girl stopped and craned her head a little, watching the male turn into a flighty ball of mess. So many emotions were radiating off of this Fey, paging through what was hope, despair, and broken heartedness. Power radiating off her fingers disappeared, only exposing the mere sunlight upon the back of her knuckles. “Ha,” she almost laughed at the boy’s curse. She could cure that, too, but the feeling of indecisiveness was bouncing off of him, and she had not want to pressure anyone. Many people she ran into loved to live with their fears, broken souls and wounds -- even their curses, for whatever reason.

“Your father did this to you?” she asked, and she appeared to be genuinely interested. For what type of father would place such a burden, such a curse upon a young man? Even out of most desperate measures --

Ethvae twitched. She had done the same with her mother, had she not? She had attempted to bring her back to life but only ruined both of their chances. Now she was a phantom to herself, reminding her every day of her failure. For this boy must be the prodigy of his father’s failure. Watching the boy’s back, she continued to imagine the sight of those wings upon someone. “Did this father of yours have wings similar to yours, by chance?”

The question was a thought passing by, focused on impulse. She really didn’t want to know, but it was like her brain was a jigsaw puzzle and she had to place them all together again. “Besides the price to be cured isn’t very fair, for I most likely will take what is more precious to you -- whether it’s alive or dead,” she said off-offhandedly, in-case he was thinking of her offer.

[J'Kar Ezri]

"... He was trying to save me. I don't believe he intended for this to happen. I don't believe he wanted to die either. He was just trying to save his only son." hanging his head lower, emotionally exhausted from the conversation. "He brought me back from death and it cost both of us a price neither of us had anticipated."

Realizing the question, realizing the answer, J'Kar made a connection. Ethvae seemed obsessed with his wings. Every thought seemed to come back to his wings. He did not recognize his fathers and his wings were nearly identical until this question was posed to him. But this meant very little in J'Kars mind for how did that help him know her?

So caught up in his own thoughts J'Kar only picked up certain words in what was stated 'I ... will take what is ... precious to you.' Impulsively, feeling how defenseless his position truly was, J'Kar spun around focused on Ethvae only to be surprised she was not upon him. Seeing, instead, the curiosity, desire, and focus of her sight to be upon his wings. Obviously, she was entangled with the thought of them more than of him, apparently longing for an answer.

"Why..." he asked in sheer curiosity, "...are you so interested in my father? And his wings?" coming to the conclusion that she thinks she knew his father. Keeping the answer to himself to hold her attention on her own curiosity to prevent it from possibly shifting to something worse.

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

She understood, their motives were closely related. To self-sacrifice, even at the cost of a curse. There was not a way for Ethvae to be able to tell that the boy knew Death Weaving, but she could sense an atmosphere of foreboding. The girl lifted her right hand upward, placing her fingers to her chin as her eyes focused out toward the shrub of plants up ahead. There was a shift and a small wave of that emerald lighting, behind her was her wings now. They were marvelous in size.

However, where beauty had once been in her wings were now marred with holes. She displayed her wings with pride, her chin held high as her eyes watched the male in front of him. It was like she was gloating over them, but she pulled her hand from her face and held out her hands to the sky. Ethvae instead raised her arms above her head, reaching for the heavens above. It was like she was again possessed, and her voice vibrated from her throat, “If your father is who this mind remembers, then we must be related.”

With the warmth of the sun upon her, she twirled a little, only to stop when she was facing the male again. It was like a whole 360 turn. “Perhaps I shall search no longer, for as we know, the King is dead!” A flighty laugh escaped her, and her arms began to lower as she looked upon J’Kar once more. “Does it.. Really matter in the end?”

[J'Kar Ezri]

With her wings exposed J'Kar saw not the damage but the soul beneath. One of caring and truthfulness. As she spun before him he noticed a shimmer of truth and attempted to focus on what was truly before him. Then, there it was, like a punch to the gut he saw her physical form. He saw the damage, the hurt, the pain this fey had endured. He saw her look was not one of despair or disappointment but one of pride.

How could this be? Why would one be prideful of ones damage? and then he realized that this must be the price she was so eager to pay to heal him earlier. To take the burden on herself as a physical mutilation. His heart wept for her as her burden was many times greater than his.

"Related?" he thought aloud to ponder. "Surely you must be mistake. I have no siblings and my parents were originals." neglecting the possibility that was the truth. The thought that his father had been seeing someone in secret seemed impossible, yet, it made perfect sense. The memory, the trigger of the emotion, the hidden relationship that was even hidden between them all fell into place. It was her that had projected those feelings of pleasure while he was a child. This is where he knew her. But to be with his father did not make them related...

Remaining confused on the previous subject his eyes became inspired "Everything matters, even in the end. For, if my father was not cremated, I would be able to bring him back for I have knowledge of Death Weaving. This has lead me on my search for my lost love. If I could find her and if her soul has not been consumed I could bring her back. I could find sanity once again."

Returning to the thought of his father J'Kar realized that for them to be related she had to be his half-sister. But why then was she so obsessed with his fathers wings? As if longing to return to them as two lovers. Then the sight he had seen when he first laid eyes on Ethvae made sense for it was not a single person he was seeing but two; mother and daughter. But which had he been speaking to he could not answer.

"I believe we are related and as such I have a gift I wish to share." bowing his head for a moment then casting his eyes upon her he revealed to her her soul stripped of pain, anguish, and evil. Showing her the purity withing. Showing Asioria herself separate from the image of her mother, with hopes that this would bring a renewed sense of purpose to her life, despite not knowing which of the two was before him now or which was the proper possessor of the body.

[Ethvae Ny'kely]

J’kar’s tales would have tugged at the girl’s heart, but it had not. She imagined her own loss. Her mother’s lifeless body, smeared in blood, her face hardly recognizable when it came back to the Earth Kingdom. For her mom, the one who gave and taught her life, was dead upon the cold stone. There was no pity from Ethvae and tongue clicked with her mouth. At the noise, her fingers pointed at the male, index finger out -- thumb curled in -- acting like she was targeting J’kar with a bow and arrow.

“I do not declare relation by blood, not yet,” the other arm of hers was moving outward, and then inward, like she was now playing a violin. Perhaps if she had an instrument, it would’ve been a horrible, screeching sound. For that is what the depth of her soul felt like. Ethvae’s eyes closed, her head craning as though she enjoyed the melody of suffering. Then her arms stopped. “Mm, you act as though you’d be a hero.” Just like that her eyes opened and she took a couple steps toward J’kar.

The feeling of loneliness was apparent, in his words and emotions. Ethvae attempted to stare at J’kar eye-to-eye, trying to make a statement. “If you truly love those you had lost; you would let them stay dead,” at the words her wings shifted outward, almost twitching, as though the spotted holes were painful. “FOR AM I NOT PROOF OF THIS MISTAKE!?” her voice was loud, sudden, and she was screaming at J’kar. The gift the boy had tossed on the girl was not of any blessing, for Asioria knew who she was this entire time. There had only been one soul in this body, and it had been hers -- was it her fault that the body had a mind of its own?

Her chest heaved outward from the screaming, and her eyes glimmered a gold color, the color green lost. Asioria lived centuries after her mother’s death to know well enough that she should have just accepted the death. To mourn properly, to pray for her mother’s soul, not to stuff it into a corpse. After Asioria found herself in her mother’s body, it took weeks to heal properly. However far Asioria could mend broken hearts and souls, she would never be able to lift herself of her burdens -- she marveled in them like a blanket of pride instead.

“Do you dare to seek your wishes still? For if you do, a Death Fey will surely prey upon you!” This was a threat, and she knew it to be true. Once she had been awoken in her mother’s body, a Death Fey stood before her -- the Death Fey had been uncertain which soul to take. “But if you still wish for that option, I may have to try and kill you myself. No matter what you were to Mother!”

[J'Kar Ezri]

J'Kar took a step back shocked at the reaction of a finger in the face in return for the gift he presented. As well as the potential denial of what was derived as history with such fierceness and hostility tangled with emotional turmoil. Had he made a mistake in his accusations of a relationship or had he assumed wrong in thinking that it was the mother in the daughters body reflecting his fathers death with his own life. "My deepest apologies. It has been a very long time since I had thought about family and friends and must have used the wrong phrase. I must have meant we are ... associated." hoping to diffuse the situation.

Distraught over the term that he had been referred to during the war before the fissure and before his death "I truly meant no harm. I have never had someone upset over their truths. I simply wanted to share the magnificent beauty that stands before me." With a renewed feeling of emptiness J'Kar looks down and removes the projection of her soul. "I was once considered a hero, a warrior for light. I guess those days are fighting to return in some way. Thoes days when people on the street took pleasure in the gift I gave."

Seeing Ethvae approach wings spread with pain and a message in an unmistakable tone and volume J'Kar realized that the fey before him was him; What he would likely become should he succeed in his quest. No resolution of sorrow. No return of joy and happiness. No companionship. If he pursued this coarse, this corpse, he would surely be alone much more than he has ever been before.

Oh for a wish. If he had a wish there was no way he would ask for his love to be returned from the dead but to wish for her to have never died in the first place. But he knows that is a wish that could never be granted. A wish with consequences of its own. No, after all these years and facing what he could eventually become the consequences were too great for this fey.

With complete abandonment of resolve J'Kar turns and sits and lays back to the ground facing the plumage of the trees above; A life with no purpose. "I couldn't save her and I still can't. Should I simply perish in hope of joining her now? For what is eternity without a friend, a companion, a love to share it with?"