Queen of Ice

[Phaedra Acacia Rin]

Day One

I finally pondered on having a small journal to myself. It is odd seeing my writing appear as I think the words. Yes my hand is still scrawling said words but I do not write very often. I prefer that my words go heeded and my actions speak for themselves.

Yet I am over five hundred years of age and feel that this would be interesting, so here it is.

The great emptiness has started again. I have to kill at least twice a week now for me to feel anything at all, retaining such feelings does not last long. Perhaps this one will be swift and soon it will be every single day that someone has to die in order for me to feel.

You who may read this much wonder why I place such emphasis on feeling. It is because I do not feel much at all, ever. Let alone keeping any emotions for more then a few days at best. I see others cry, rage and love and want to experience such things as well. Am I an unfinished canvas then? That I am beautiful there is no question, but it is a cruel beauty.

I want more then just killing, but the other alternative that is just as passionate is not meant to be. I cannot get near another fey, let alone touch them. Even to my own court my touch hurts and cannot be experienced for long. I cause death with a touch, create everlasting beauty when I caress a cheek.

This brings me to the lack of heirs I am leaving my court with. I killed off my own family long ago...when another such emotionless blight hit me. Why did I do it? Because I could and succeeded. Perhaps I am nothing but a bloodthirsty maniac.

I want war. I want excitement, pain and that ever elusive pleasure. I want it all and I shall have it. There is nothing I would not do to experience certain things, to cause great havoc amongst the fey worlds. No one is at their best unless they are suffering.

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[Phaedra Acacia Rin]

Entry Two

It will be far easier to label these and entries from now on instead of days.

I have made a deal with Death. I sold my soul for something I could never have had any other way. Now that I feel, there is still no regret. Everything is new and fresh and exciting.

Though with this new found sense of self, this ability to truly feel emotions, comes the negative of course. I am much like a shy and definitely a naive young girl even at my age. My skin is alive and sensations easily overwhelm me.

I shall spend some time alone with this because I cannot be seen blushing and panting if I happen to brush up against someone, a habit I had just to hurt others in the past.

There is also the problem of Svv. Now that I feel I feel all too strongly about the Dark fey. I cared, if that was what it was before, about him for many years...enough to lose count. Now it is nearly overwhelming. It must mean something when I decide he shall father my children when I feel nothing at all. A fact he knows nothing of which shall be infinitely interesting once it is brought up...next I even see of him.

Everything is going to change from here on out. I am rethinking my council, some of the positions are worthless to me. I want a war and there needs to be someone worthy of having an army under. I should not have to do everything on my own.

Bah, I will think more on the council now and end this babbling nonsense that this had turned into.